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Josh Clement
Fri May 20, 2005 at 10:37:38 am EDT
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The Intermittent Adventures of the Brown Streak #14, Now With Possibly-Fake Guest Star
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Previous stuff at De Brown Streak's Run

___

Visionary knocks on a door. If you’re going to have a special guest there you might as well get him in right at the start. And make him do some work for his appearance fee. Besides, Josh (De Brown Streak) Clement doesn’t want to knock on this door. Listen…

Visionary: “Okay, I knocked on the door. Can I go now.”

Josh: “No. Somebody might answer.”

Visionary: “With training, you could learn to knock on doors by yourself. It’s not complicated. And this is me saying this.”

Josh, nervously; “I can generally knock on doors. I can do all kinds of stuff. I can put my pants on without help, which puts me one up on some members of your Lair Legion.”

Vizh: “So why this door? What’s so bad about this one?”

Josh: “Doesn’t matter. No answer. Too bad. Let’s go.”

Pricilla Duvalle answers the door. She’s a pretty black girl with long curly hair. She’s got the sort of distinctive appearance that lets you know the artist took some time working up sketches, so she’s not a one-off crowd scene kind of gal.

Pricilla: “Oh. It’s you.”

Josh: “Me?”

Pricilla: “Visionary. I saw you on television.”

Visionary, preening because for the first time in history a girl has noticed him instead of DBS: “I was in the Transworlds Challenge. Back when we saved the planet.”

Pricilla: “You were the one that screams like a girl, yeah?”

Josh snickers.

Vizh: “Laugh away, Clement. You were the one who asked me to come along to help you talk to a girl.

Josh stops snickering.

Pricilla: “You tracked me down and brought Visionary to my apartment to help you talk to me? Are we in seventh grade again?”

Vizh: “Oh I hope not. I still have flashbacks.”

Josh: “I brought him along because I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want you to feel threatened. That’s why I picked Visionary.”

Vizh: “Hey! I can be threatening. I’ve bled on hundreds of bad guys! And sometimes puked.”

Pricilla: “Why should I feel threatened by you, Clement? You think I’m scared of you just because I dared tell you that you’ve become a lousy sell-out traitor with your fat, smug, corporate, government-sponsored Lair Legion buddies?”

Vizh: “Hey again!”

Josh: “I just didn’t want to give you any more grounds for badmouthing me. And I figured maybe if I explained my reasons for doing what I’m doing somebody might start taking me seriously again, okay?”

Pricilla snorts. “You think they took you seriously before? Mutate poster-boy eye-candy maybe, but you were never a serious proponent of the mutate cause.”

Josh doesn’t take this well. “What do you mean? I rescued people from detention centres and fought Sentinoids and stuff. I’m on t-shirts!”

“And you just distracted everybody so the stories were all about you not the issue. You were an embarrassment then, and you’re a traitor now!”

Visionary: “I can’t think why you wanted me to come along and do the talking, Josh.”

Josh: “And all the good I did doesn’t count, huh? Because some sophomore feminista doesn’t like the way I save people and fight evil?”

Pricilla: “That’s right. What, you thought you’d breeze in here with your tight running shorts and your cheesy smile and smooth over any little criticisms I might have of the perfect De Brown Streak and then charm the pants off me? Literally probably? Is that it? And then the world would be okay again and everyone will forget that you abandoned the cause and went to work for the people trying to enslave mutates as second class citizens?”

Vizh: “Um, technically I don’t think I’m trying to enslave anyone. I don’t know what you heard about those Caphan girls but…”

Josh: “You know what? I don’t know why I did come here. It was bothering me that somebody could be so off-base about me and what I do and why I do it. So I thought I’d give you a break and take the time to come and explain. But you’re not interested in explanations, only accusations.”

Vizh, uncomfortably: “You know when I agreed to guest star I thought it’d probably be a funnier, more off-the-wall kind of plotline. I’m not so good on the politics and things. If you have a toaster I could do some good funny stuff with that?”

Pricilla: “I’m not interested in your self-serving rationalisations, you mean. Run away and play with your institutional friends. Go cosy up with Mr Epitome and Falcon and Aryan Ideal. You’re not getting what you called for today, Josh Clement.”

Josh: “Fine. I have things to do that don’t involve mad dumb armchair revolutionaries who don’t understand what’s really happening and can’t see past their trendy rhetoric anyhow.”

And Josh clement Brown Streaks away.

Visionary smiles sheepishly at Pricilla. “Um, well, very nice to have met you. Have a nice day.”

Pricilla: “You! What do you think about mutates then?

Vizh: “I’m for them. Or rather, I’m okay with them. I don’t think everybody has to be a mutate. But they can be if they want to. Or rather, they can’t because it’s a genetic thing, but if they could and they wanted to be I’d be okay with it. Um.”

Pricilla: “So you’d work with one? Be friends with one? Date one?”

Vizh: “I work with Josh, and we’re kind of friends except we never spend much time in the same scenes together. I probably wouldn’t date him, even though Yo keeps telling me he’s pretty cute.”

Pricilla looks the guy in the lemon raincoat up and down. “Okay. Friday, 8.30. You can pick me up. Don’t book Thai. I hate Thai food.”

Vizh: “Wait. What?”

But Pricilla has already shut the door.

Vizh: “Help.”

And later, when Vizh has staggered away and Josh is sulking in the Lair Library, Pricilla gets out her omnicommunicatorscope and calls in:

“Hey, it’s me. Tell Morbido that his plan is working and DBS is wavering. Oh, and I’ve got a date with Visionary Friday night.”

“No, of course Visionary doesn’t know I’m the Vermillion Vex. Not yet…”

Continued…


(This episode is dedicated to Visionary the poster, whose work I just don’t rave about enough. I hope he doesn’t mind me complicating his already complex love life just a little bit more.)




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